Home Bakes and Masterchef

 

Two boxes of home bakes brought home by the OH from the RNLI funday yesterday. Some got a bit scrumpled, apparently because a car sent him into a ditch. It didn't make for him!, he stepped aside on a narrow piece of road to give it space to pass and fell foul of one of the many invisible drainage ditches that criss cross every part of Orkney. That chocolate  bun wasn't very nice but the rest are lovely, and rather to my surprise, not yet all gone. 

I made  a passing reference yesterday to Celebrity Masterchef which we are watching. We  joke every year about how we haven't heard of any of the contestants but I think this year is the first time we really, actually, don't know who any of them are. Judging by the way some of them go on, we have not been missing out. I had serious concerns about the mental well being of one contestant in the first week, but maybe they are just odd and loud and bumptious. 

I said years ago that I was going to stop watching Celebrity Masterchef and yet somehow I still find it on. I think this says more about the dearth of anything else worth watching recently. There are so many enticing sounding drama series that arrive, bigged up by the reviewers,  and I try them and go meh! Recent examples, and this is by no means an exhaustive list; Red Eye - made it to the end of the first episode but even the fact that Richard Armitage took a main role couldn't persuade me to go back for episode 2. The Red King - not quite to the end of episode 1. The Jetty - 40 minutes and I switched off. Then there are the series I find on streaming services and I quite enjoy episode one; there was one set in Ireland and another in Australia, but somehow they're not compelling enough for me to call up episode two. I think it's me. I think I'm getting more critical and harder to please as I get older. 

Anyway back to Celebrity Masterchef. In addition to not knowing any of the contestants I have two further gripes. One is the continuing presence of Greg Wallace, the man for whom the word chortle must originally have been coined; plus, surely only blackmail can explain why he is still fronting this program. He must literally know where some bodies are buried. My loathing of Wallace has been well documented here on the blog and he isn't improving any. The other is an increasing cynicism about the truth of what we're presented with. For example, last week a contestant was confronted by a surprise ingredient. 'Is it fish?' she tremulously asked, as she poked doubtfully at a duck breast. Ho, ho ho, we are presumably meant to chortle along with Mr W. Look at this celebrity person, can't tell a duck breast from a fish fillet. Only then said celebrity proceeded to serve up what the judges pronounced to be 'perfectly cooked duck breast'. Ok good for her, but nobody who starts off not recognising a duck breast  cooks it perfectly less than an hour later. There's an art and a technique to cooking duck breast and if you don't know it, you ain't going to guess it just like that.  So what are the options? The celebrity was told to look dumb and pretend not to recognise what was in front of her? even though she knew what it was and also knows perfectly well how to cook it, despite proclaiming several times she's a bad or a non cook. Or, she really was  that ignorant and someone either told her off camera how to cook it or heaven forfend, actually cooked it for her to keep her in the competition a little longer. We've often thought there comes a point where  the celebrities are given coaching between rounds but I've never felt so cynical about a first round before. 

What I need is an excellent drama on another channel at the same time,. And them I can give up on the blasted thing. It's not as though I am a keen cook myself - although one thing I do know; I wouldn't mistake duck for fish!