Seen any good telly lately?

Me neither.

I have seen some cheesy stuff and some enjoyable stuff, and some stuff that was adequate and some stuff that seemed to be good but let me down at the last minute. Stuff that should have been good, but wasn't. And then there's been an awful lot of stuff that was just plain bad. 

Quick review? well since you ask ...

I was thrilled to see that Dancing on Ice was returning to our screens after an absence of several years. I never got into Strictly because I loathed Bruce Forsyth so I was never gong to watch it. Since he died I tried a couple of times with the  new presenters but you know, it's so arch. I don't do arch. So I have up on Strictly again, and for good.  But Dancing on Ice had always done it for me, partly because I'm of the generation that stayed up until the early hours to watch Torvill and Dean win their Olympic Gold Medal and partly because I love watching things that show people getting better at things. Hence Masterchef, Bake Off, MKR, etc. But sadly there's something very cheesy about the current series of DoI. Is it the celebrities, many of whom I don't recognise? Is it the lack of a clear structure as the week's roll on; no longer do we have 'this week is celebrities skate without leaning on their partner, next week celebrities spin, week after that they must do a jump', so that there is no way to follow who is mastering which skill when? Is it the performance of 'nasty judge' Jason, and the way the whipped up crowd are constantly encouraged to boo him every time he opens his mouth - and sometimes even before that? Is it the inane conversations that the presenters have with the celebrities just before they skate/just after they have been thrown out? Probably just a combination of all of those things and a few more. I'll stick with this series because I might as well see who wins, but if it returns to our screens next winter I won't be returning to watch it. 

Also a contender for cheese of the week was the second series of Delicious, Sky's original commissioned drama set in a foodie hotel in Cornwall. I watched the first series of this because Iain Glen was in it, and I watched the second one for the same reason. I used to try and kid myself up that Mr Glen took parts like this because either he had an unexpected tax bill or he wanted to earn some good TV money so that he could go and do a worthwhile but non-commercial play at Equity minimum rates in a cold draughty theatre somewhere. Now however I just think his agent rings and says 'I've got you a part' and Glen says 'where do I sign?'. I don't blame him, it's a chancy world, acting, I just think it's a bit sad that a lot of classy actors end up in dross. Is Delicious dross? well maybe that's a bit harsh. Lovely locations, a good cast, and a storyline that twisted and turned were all pluses; some dreary characters and an ending that tried to convince you that everyone's a barsteward just out for themselves were minuses really. If there's a third series, IG or no IG, I'm not watching. 

Enjoyable, although I'm the first to admit that it is also both bonkers and at times stomach churning, is Sky Atlantic's Britannia. With no nod to real historical fact at all, save possibly that Romans and Druids both existed at one time, this is laugh out loud madness - it's not so-bad-its-good because it doesn't have the prerequisite for that of taking itself seriously, it's just a berserk romp, greatly improved by three leads, David Morrissey, Zoe Wanamaker and Julian Rhind-Tutt who are masters of the craft of acting parts with a straight face while simultaneously and subtly sending them up. 

Top of the Pops in the adequate section comes The Arctic Murders; more or less plausible plots and characters that pack a bit of an emotional punch, set against (and this is where the real pull lies) the background of Arctic Sweden. The outdoor shots of this beautiful place are what sets this series apart from other Scandi procedurals. Because of this I overlook the fact that the lead actress apparently cannot close her mouth completely. At all. Ever. Irritating. I was so taken actually by the first few episodes of this that I bought the first book in the series and really enjoyed that too. They're by Asa Larsson in case anyone wants to follow my example. Stumbling some way behind The Arctic Murders  is Vera, which generally manages a credible plot but falls down when it comes to making me care about who did what to whom and why. Also two days later I cannot remember a thing about the episode  I just watched, but it does all tend to flood back, together with a stifling sense of boredom, when I try to watch a repeat. 

Did a TV series with a great premise, a fabulous cast and an intriguing plot full of twists and turns ever let anyone down half  as badly as did Kiri, ITV's recent drama about a murdered child and the social worker whose actions apparently led to the tragedy? If so, I can't bring it to mind. This was well written and well acted with a plot full of twists and turns  which were revealed over several weeks, only for the whole thing to come to such a shuddering halt at the end of the final episode with no resolution of any of the character arcs, that I couldn't quite believe that really was the final episode and looked in vain in the Radio Times to see when another episode might be expected to tie up the loose ends.  I know life doesn't come with in tidy sections tied up with bows, and I honestly don't  expect everything necessarily to be tied up in a TV drama either, but to leave every single character hanging was perverse by any standard. 

Another disappointment was Next of Kin, again an ITV drama with an interesting premise, this time the radicalisation of one member of a Pakistani family long settled in the UK. There were such golden opportunities here for exploring the nuances of identity, religion, patriotism, and loyalty but all were abandoned fairly quickly in favour of cheap thrills and some crash bang wallop plot developments that defied not just belief but sanity. A major mistake was having one of the protagonists married to an upper middle class Brit, Jack Davenport drowning in a thankless part. Presumably the thinking was that if there wasn't a white person  at or neat the centre of the series people wouldn't watch. I don't think that's true but I suspect it is the prevailing wisdom in television land. The hapless Claire Skinner (and I'm a huge fan of hers)  played what must surely be the most inept head of security services ever known, but her service in general was written as being staffed by a multitude of insubordinate oiks who were very very bad at their jobs. The fact that generally in the UK we don't go to bed in fear of being blown up in the night or on our commute the next day must be a signal that the real security services are somewhat better at what they do than those portrayed here. .

And the bad things? Love Lies and Records (I got to the end of episode two before the lack of plot credibility and the general stupidity of the characters drove me away) and Girlfriends ( end of episode one, and that was just because I was busy wondering why people think Kay Mellor is such a wonderful script writer and trying to work it out from the clueless melodrama unfolding before me. Never did find the answer r to that one. 

I'm not writing about  Endeavour because lots and lots of people I know love it and I don't.. My main objection is to the lead actor who I find off putting to the nth degree. . I don't like his voice and I don't llike the hunched way he walks about, but most of all I don't like the period setting. They have it right, I lived through some of tis and remember it , and I find it utterly utterly depressing. It would be unfair of me to critique a program which I dislike for such very personal reasons. I gave the first episode of the new series a go because so many of the people I know were once again praising it to the skies, but it steadfastly refuses to draw me in. If it's your thing, well excellent. Its back and I genuinely hope you're enjoying it.  

Anyway, if the Radio Times is to believed there is still a Feast of  Drama to come in late winter/early spring. Taking his place as the heralding snowdrop of spring is Dougie Henshall returning in Shetland next week. Cue many complaints in the meejer about Scottish and Shetlandic accents, and many many jokes in our house from the OH about The Return of Mr Woodentop. Regular readers will recall that a fan of Dougie Henshall he is not.